How to Look and Act Like You Are Accustomed to Fine Dining
BY SUSAN LAIR, Phd - CONSULTANT, Executive Coach
You’ve rented a tuxedo or purchased an after-five dress. You’ve reviewed with the Development Director the family trees, previous donations, and connections to the school for every person sitting at your table. You’ve studied what side your bread and the drink will be on now if you can eat some of your dinner and talk simultaneously! Proper etiquette is essential for making a favorable impression at meetings where food is served and in social business situations. Although common sense is often your best guide, the following suggestions will help you stand out as a polished professional.
The Major Fundraiser - Gala
Eat a Little Something Before You Leave for the Event. Your job is to host the table, which means light conversations between courses. If you are starving, you may concentrate more on eating than doing your job.
The Host Always Leads. At most school business meetings, you will be the host. That means everyone at the table will wait for you to take the first bite after the invocation or prayer.
Place Your Napkin in Your Lap After Sitting Down. Place the folded side toward your waist.
Know “Rest” and “Finished” Positions. When you stop eating but you are not finished with your meal. Cross the fork and knife across the plate in an “X.” When you finish your meal. Place your utensils parallel across the place at a 45-degree angle. With the top of the silverware to the left.
Passing the Rolls or Other Family Style Dishes. The person closest to the item should pick it up. Offer the person on their left a roll or serve the person on your left some of the side dish, give yourself a roll or some of the side dish, and pass the basket to the right.
Passing Salt and Pepper or Cream and Sugar. The person closest to the salt and pepper should pick them up and pass both the salt and pepper to the right. Do not stop to use them before you pass the salt and pepper.
Always Break Bread with your Hands. The roll or bread will be arranged in one basket for the table. Take one roll or one piece of bread and place it on your bread plate. (small plate on the left side) Break off one bite and place both back on the place. Butter the part you broke off and butter each piece before you eat it rather than buttering the entire roll.
Do Not Push Away or Stack Your Dishes. Stacking dishes is a distraction and makes the table look messy. Let the wait staff do their jobs. If the event is in a home, stacking plates could chip the China, or they could accidentally slide and break.
Silence and Put Away Your Phone. A Dinner party is not the time to check messages. You will have plenty of time after the event.
After the meal, remember to thank every person at your table. It is also common to give each person a small gift. The gift can be on the table, or you can hand it to each person while you thank them.
Business Meals at a Restaurant or Home
Everything we reviewed about a Major Fundraiser holds true for restaurant or home meals. In addition:
Hosting at a home: If you are hosting, make last-minute checks on food preparation, seating, and agenda.
If you are a guest at someone’s home: Arrive on time with a small thank-you gift. Suggestions: flowers, paperweight, engraved stationery or note cards, if near a holiday, or something festive Need help? Ask your Development Director or the Board’s Advancement Chair.
Hosting at a restaurant: Arrive early. Check the table for location and seating. Review the menu with the server and make payment arrangements.
Remember the Host Sits First: Place your things under your chair and wait for the host to sit down.
Beverages: Do you order an alcoholic beverage? Check the etiquette and customs of the location. In Japan, it is impolite to turn down an alcoholic beverage. The safest thing to do is order an iced tea or water with lemon. The lemon will indicate that in another setting, you would probably order an alcoholic beverage. If the host encourages you to order wine, drink only one glass and drink it slower than the host.
Ordering Your Meal: What do you order from the menu? Before you go to the event. Look at the website and temporarily choose your meal. At most events, there will be a prearranged menu with limited choices. If you are ordering straight from the menu, do not order the most expensive item, and also be careful about ordering messy food like spaghetti. Take note of what your host orders, order something comparable, and be ready to order. By all means, do not be difficult. Maybe you will have to pick at something you are not particularly fond of, but do not make your order complicated. If you are the host, ensure you order a dessert so the people attending know they can order one.
Don’t Forget to Thank Your Host: Follow the event with a handwritten thank you note to the host and any additional people who helped with the event.